Live Your Own

     Yesterday was our youngest daughter's birthday.  She turned 29.  I think most parents will agree with the next sentence.  Our children grow up in the blink of an eye.

     As we laid in bed, my husband and I talked about how it didn't seem possible that 29 years had passed so quickly.  It seemed like just yesterday, our little girls were just that, little girls.  We talked about death too, neither of us are afraid of it.  That must come with age.  Not that I'm ready, by any means, to leave planet Earth just yet, but it happens.

     Before I drifted off to sleep I thought about being a parent.  It has been the greatest gift of life for me.  I reflected back over the years, thinking what I would have done different.  Being older and having grandchildren brings a strong revelation.....that our children are people.  They are people, individuals with a purpose, a plan, a reason for being here.  Their purpose might not be what we think they should be.  

     I remembered being disappointed when they made mistakes and then another revelation struck me.  I really wasn't disappointed in them, I was disappointed in myself.  I thought by their mistakes I had failed them, let them down.  I felt like I had received an F in the parenting course.  I started out parenting with the intent to keep them from all the dangers of the world and all the heartache.

     What grandeur assumptions we make.  That we can control every aspect of our children's lives.  The truth of the matter is if they don't make any mistakes, they don't learn much about how life here works.  

     One thing I have witnessed a lot of is parents trying to live their lives through their children.  They try so hard for them to do all the things they, the parent, wanted to do or wanted to be themselves. How foolish and how very sad.  

     If you're still drawing breath and there is something you wished you had done, then go do it yourself.  That will make a much more lasting impression upon your children than you wanting something for them that they possibly don't want.  If they are living their lives trying to keep you happy, they aren't living their life.  When they fail at your expectations and you berate them for that failure, all you have done is ingrained failure into their self esteem.  They were not sent here to make you happy, or to make all your dreams come true.

     Their life is not your life, it's theirs.  You've got one, live your own and spoon as much encouragement of good things upon your children as possible, especially when they stumble.