Things That Might Help

 During these crazy times, times of staying away from people, family, friends, it is not only easy, it is a fact, people are getting bored.  They are not only bored, they are lonely, fearful and depressed.  Although sights of angry mobs make us wonder if humanity is really all it's cracked up to be, we really do need community.  

Having dealt with the pandemic, by trying to eat my way through it, I was not any happier.  Knowing that happiness comes from the inside and not the out, I thought of ways to combat my despair, besides eating an entire bag of chips or a whole jar of peanut butter......which is really not a favorite food to start with.

I had plenty to do, to keep me busy and focused, but only a fellow artist understands an artists' funk.  I tried reading, because I really like to read.  While reading, my mind would wander to the things I should be doing.  That made me feel worse.  I would clean house and do laundry.  That only lasted a short while, two people don't make a huge mess or have mountains of dirty clothes.

Thinking about what had worked in the past, I decided to do a breathing technique I had learned the year before.  It's a process of getting as much oxygen in the system and then learning to hold the breath for as long as possible.  Actually, one doesn't hold the breath in, so to speak, rather on the last exhale, one does not take another breath in.  It sounds weird, but it is an amazing process to eliminate lots of ailments, depression being one of them.  Do some research first, just look up Wim Hoff.

So, after the breathing exercise, I started to meditate.  All that is needed is 10-15 minutes.  The difference between prayer and meditation has been described as prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening.  Learning to meditate is not hard.  If there is anything hard about it, it is learning to quiet the mind.  I still find myself wandering off wondering what I'm going to eat when I'm done.  But, it does help lift the spirits of darkness, especially if practiced regularly.  

Then, despite all my efforts of finding self comfort, I knew that I needed to throw some movement into the mix. I started walking.  I mapped out a course and walked one mile each day.  Being impatient and not seeing any results, I read an article that stated by packing more weight, while walking, helped reduce weight.  I borrowed a 20 pound walking vest and removed 10 pounds.  I know myself well enough to realize "go big, or go home" is not the best advice for me to follow.....unless, of course, I want to quit on about the third or fourth day.  Walking, carrying an extra 10 pounds, was harder than I imagined, but I kept going.  After the first two weeks, I started to jog.

I have always thought being a runner would be a cool thing.  But, I have never seen a runner running who looked like they were having a good time.  That is probably my biggest problem in life, always wanting to have a good time.  Anyway, I started to add a jogging lap between my walking laps.  Now I'm jogging the entire mile.  Do not envision me gliding along that magnificent mile.  It's rather more like an old lady shuffle, just faster, because when I'm coming down that last lap, my feet are just barely above skimming the earth.

These are a few things that might help, if you are struggling with the loneliness.  Besides making you feel better, you may surprise yourself on what you are able to accomplish, no matter where you find yourself on the timeline of life.

When That Door Closes

The house was old.  Built somewhere during the first quarter of the 1900's.  Its walls were constructed of plaster and lathes.  There was an open staircase, right inside the front door.  Upstairs, there were four bedrooms and the only full bathroom in the entire house.  Four bedrooms were perfect for that family.  Besides the couple, who bought the house, there were three daughters.  Throughout the years of young girls growing into adults, there were many times the staircase endured angry steps, traversing upward, only to be finished with a grand finale of a slamming door.  Tiny pieces of plaster could be heard falling inside of the walls.

When the oldest daughter was ready to leave the nest, the couple gathered her meager belongings.  When it was determined that the car held the most important items, they left the comforts of the small rural town and headed for the city.  It was there, that the young mother was about to learn something that no one can ever prepare for.  After leaving their firstborn alone, in a tiny apartment.  The mother shut the car door and burst into tears.  She knew at that moment, life, as they had been so accustomed to, would never be the same.  She and her husband sat silently for a bit.  Just when he thought it would be a good time to leave, the young mother realized she had left her purse behind.  She jumped out of the car and ran up the steps to the apartment door.  She hurried in and there, sitting in a rocking chair, the only piece of furniture in the tiny front room, was her oldest daughter, tears streaming down her face.  With all the courage she could muster, less she gather her daughter into her arms and take her back home, she grabbed her purse and left.

It is the season for new beginnings.  The young fledglings are trying out their wings, wanting to taste freedom on their own.  The hope of a job well done rests in the forefront of every parents' mind as they let go and watch their child walk through a door that they themselves  cannot enter.  A mother's heart knows that when that door closes, it is true that another one opens.  But it does not do so without leaving a scar upon her heart.

Laughter Past

If there is one thing the scamdemic, excuse me again, pandemic has caused, it's boredom and loneliness.  With those two things comes not only a lack of communication, but a lack of laughter.  I have been trying to remember the last time I really laughed, especially at myself.  It seemed like years since I have done something crazy that I could share and hopefully make other people laugh too.  Then I saw a notice that an old acquaintance had passed.  

It had been years since we had visited and even more than a few years that we had shared time together.  She had moved next door before I was a teenager.  Her laughter was so contagious and her sense of humor ran right alongside of mine.  As I thought about her, I remembered a few of our times together, where we laughed like idiots and thought those memories might bring a smile to someone else.

We both loved music and we both loved to dance.  One night, having nothing much to do, we sat in her bedroom listening to music.  She had a small record player and a stack of 45's.  Man, those were the days!  After a few tunes, she had the most wonderful idea.  We would dance around a fire in the dark.  Thinking it sounded like a great time, I quizzed her about where we would get a fire.  I guess I thought maybe she had a candle stashed somewhere in her room.  She thought for a moment and then her face lit up and her eyes sparkled.  I don't remember if she had the items in her room or if she went downstairs to get them.  What I do remember is her setting a ceramic cereal bowl in the middle of the room, filling it about half full of lighter fluid, striking a match and there it was, a bowl of fire.  She doused the lights and cranked up to volume to "Born To Be Wild", seemed fitting, and we boogied around the bowl full of dancing flames.  When the song was over, she turned the lights back on.  I will never forget the look on her face.  The room was so full of smoke that we could barely see each other.  We surely opened a window or two, but all I can remember is the hysterical laughter.

The next one is probably my most favorite and even after all this time, when I replay it over in my head, I can barely keep from laughing out loud.  This time we were on my front porch steps.  It was a warm summer night and already dark.  There were a couple of guys cruising around the block in a car.  One of the guys liked my friend, but she had no real interest in him.  Each time they would drive by, the one guy would holler at her house.  They didn't see that she was with me on the steps.  After three or four rounds of this, she had an idea.  As soon as the car sped around the corner, she told me she would be right back.  She ran as fast as she could to her house, grabbed an egg out of their refrigerator and ran back to me.  Then she told me her plan.  From there, she ran directly across the street from my house and laid down in the ditch.  I waited and it wasn't but a minute or two that I could hear the car approaching again.  Our street ended right in front of her house and the car had to stop under the street light.  This time, the infatuated guy hopped up on the door through the open window on the passenger side.  He was whooping and calling out to her and that's when the magic happened.  There was just enough light for me to see it.  She raised up out of that ditch and let the egg fly.  It could not have been a more perfect shot.  It landed on the roof of the car directly in front of 'Romeo'.   I nearly fell off the steps laughing as the spurned wanna be boyfriend and his friend screeched around the corner.  When they were out of sight, she came back across the road and asked if she hit the target.   When she discovered her aim had been perfect, peals of laughter split the hot summer night air.

It was good to think of her and those times so many years ago and I hope the stories brought a smile to your face and spurred an event in your past that you haven't thought about in a long time.

From The Desk of The Dog: My Terrible Time

Hello!  Hello!  It's Runtly, the ever so entertaining Jack Russell Terrier, JRT for short!  I have a sad tail to tell you about my terrible time.
My Dad doesn't feel very well.  Mom told me he had to go away for awhile and I was going to get to stay with my Momma and Grammie.  I thought this was great, I love to see my Momma.  You know, dogs don't really keep track of time.  The only time we have is the moment we are in.  I knew the day was approaching when Mom and Dad packed my bag with my dish, food and blankie, then we took a car ride to Momma's house.  I never really noticed when Mom and Dad left, cause' I was havin' fun playing with Momma and the rest of my peeps.
The very next day, Grammie put the buzzing collar on me.  Grammie does not like it when I jump on people and she set out to change my bad ways.  She said I needed to learn to behave.  I thought I musta done something bad to be treated this way and surely Mom and Dad would come to save me.  They did not.
I did get used to the buzzing collar, but I sure was lonesome.  If Grammie sat on the couch, I would sit next to her.  If she worked upstairs, I would find one of my peeps' bed and sleep there.   My Momma has her own space for sleeping and getting away from me, so I'm not allowed there.  I watch Momma though, when she gets ready for some peace and quiet.  Momma is so smart!  She pulls her blankies out of her crate and gets them just right.  Then she puts her head under one edge of her blankies and some how gets them clear over her back!  When she is satisfied with her blankie placement, she walks back into her crate, walks in a circle, this makes her blankies tuck around her and then she lays down.  She is so good at this that once she is in there, you can't even tell it.  It's like she just distapeered.  
So, the sun and moon had been here and gone so many times that I lost count.  Two times I got to see Mom and Dad, but they were in the tiny box and I could not get in there with them.  One of those times was when the giant sky hawk went over the house and was really loud.  Grammie said it was a fighter jet, but looks like a giant sky hawk to me!  It scared me bad, but after hearing Mom and Dad's voice, I was better.  
After what seemed like forever, Grammie packed my bag.  I knew something was happening.  Not only that, Grammie and Momma seemed awfully happy.  Grammie and one of my peeps loaded me in the car and we took another ride.  We drove for awhile and then I began to see things that looked familiar to me.  Then we pulled into the driveway and I was home!  I looked out the big window in Grammie's car and there was my Mom waiting for me and Dad was on the porch!  Grammie had to stop and let me out, I was so excited!  Oh boy, was I so happy to see Mom and Dad!
That first day back home, I was a pretty good dog.  The second day, not so much.  I went next door to see my other peeps.  When Mom called me home, I came home and then I wouldn't let Mom get close enough to pick me up and I went back to my peeps house.  Then later, I chased just about every vehicle that went past our house....something I've never done before.  I showed Mom and Dad what I thought about them leaving me!  Mom wasn't too happy with me and put new batteries in my buzzing collar.....sigh.
It sure is good to be back home!  I was so happy to get to sleep with Mom and Dad again.  I watched my Momma every time she did that trick with her blankies and I be practicing it at home now, at bed time.  Mom and Dad say I look like a bulldozer, but I don't know what that is.
Mom says some of my spelling is not correct.  I don't care, I'm just glad my terrible time is over.  Woof!

Little Things

To occupy my time, I've been trying to take notice of things that we simply, not only take for granted, but things we tend to think we are entitled to.  
The first thing that came to mind, during this hospital stay, was our bed at home.  It's nothing fancy and some would say it's hard, like a rock, but it's our bed and it's in our home.  When my better half and I arrived at the hospital, for the beginning of a stem cell transplant, I was pleased to see a small love seat sized couch that obviously made into some kind of bed.  Having spent a night or two in those lovely hospital recliners, this thing looked like heaven.  I must admit, the little couch is long enough for a very tall person and about as wide as a cot.  Since I'm used to sleeping on 6 inches of bed, because a small dog seems to take up the entire center of a king size, I was pleased with the amount of room I was going to have.  That pleasure was over about the second night when I realized that the cushions were just a tad bit softer than the floor.  Then, I noticed something.
This room is one with a view.  It is on the 9th floor and the entire wall that faces the outside is glass.  From the floor to the ceiling.  If we were here for any other reason, it would certainly fall under the heading, "A Room With A View".  Nine stories down and across the street is a large church.  At the end of the church, that is visible from our view point, is a small patch of grass and a sidewalk that runs to the back side of the church grounds.  It is in this small space that I realized how fortunate I was to have this small bed.  This place is where the homeless gather of an evening.  There are usually four people to start with.  In the morning, as long as it is not raining, there is one couple left.  I watched them as the man folded up all the bedding and placed it into a large black garbage bag, and the woman began to fold the cardboard pieces, that they use between their bedding and the earth and concrete.  There is a retaining wall at the end of the small patch of grass that separates them from a parking lot for an apartment complex.  This is where they urinate.  After that, they pick up any trash that may be laying around and they take their belongings behind the church.  When they emerge from the other side of the building, they no longer have their belongings.  There must be a place in the back where they can leave them and obviously expect them to be there when they return.  My hand runs over the top of my bed and I think "there but for the grace of God, go I".
I will be forever grateful for silverware that is made out of metal.  I hope to never need to use a plastic fork, spoon or knife again.  Plastic is a God-send for the medical community.  I don't think we have any idea the service plastic provides.  Tubing, bags of saline or medicine, shots, gloves, bed rails, furniture coverings, corner guards, medicine cups....the list is endless.  A huge percent of this plastic is thrown away on a daily basis.  There are 32 rooms on this floor alone.  There are three more floors above and at least seven below.  That is a lot of plastic and this scenario is like our Earth, a speck in the Milky Way.  I vow to be more resourceful and try to reuse as much as I can.  Mother's cottage cheese cartons are floating in the back of my mind.  
The view is full of cityscape.  Towering apartment complexes, one topped with a townhouse and numerous medical buildings.  Parking garages that start below ground level and climb five stories or more.  To look down at the busy streets is like looking at a child's play rug, complete with tiny cars that buzz back and forth.  To see this is one thing, to be there is another.  I will sneak down again today.  Just to go outside and breathe in the air.  Air that, may not be as fresh as what I would receive outside my front door, but air that is not filtered and recycled.  I make another mental note to not forget that sweetness that greets me every morning and pledge to leave the phone in the house.  
Then, I feel guilty.  My husband has not had a breath of fresh air for over two weeks.  I think of the young woman on the elevator, she and her family member have been on this floor since the middle of June. I'm selfish, I still look forward to an early dismissal.
The list of things, little things, that are taken for granted could be long, should be long.  I should be more aware of my surroundings, show more gratitude for what I have and perhaps, what I do not have.  One thing is certain, an entitled attitude does no one any favors.  All these things are gifts, that are freely given, from the greatest love in all the universe.  Lest we not forget.