Road Trip Revelations

       A seven and a half hour, 400 mile road trip gives a person a lot of time to think.  Needless to say, I did a lot of thinking.

     One of the main characters in my book rode with me for a while. He was mostly silent, taking in the scenery as we cruised north through Missouri, headed for the border of Iowa.  The wind blew through his silky black hair but the further north we traveled, the temperature began to drop.  He finally rolled up the window and got in the back seat, occasionally making eye contact with me in the rear view mirror, but continued to offer no conversation..

     It wasn't long after, that the Voice, who usually resides somewhere inside my head, took over the co-pilot's position.  It was wearing sunglasses, even though the skies were overcast, and holding the map, upside down.  The Voice really doesn't need a map, it always knows where it is and where it's going.  Every once and a while, it would bark out some random numbers, like the co-pilots do on those crazy Italian road races.  Sometimes the Voice thinks it's very funny.

     I continued on in silence, up the hills, down the hills, gripping the steering wheel with both hands and keeping a watchful eye on the sky.  There were some pretty lively storms in the forecast for this region and we were already driving in some light rain.

     The Voice finally spoke, "Quit thinking about it."

     I sighed and said, "I'm trying."

     "Well, you're obviously not trying very hard.", it snapped back.

     The Voice was right, it usually is. A recent chain of events had unraveled into a big misunderstanding and had tumbled downhill at a rapid rate.  The mess at the bottom of the hill was a total wreck. No way to fix it and no good explanation as to why it happened in the first place.  I couldn't quit running the scenario over and over in my head, but I needed to just let it go.

     "What did you think you were going to accomplish in the first place?", the Voice asked.

     "I don't know", I answered.  "I thought I could make things better, bigger, you know, more important.  Class it up a bit."

     "How'd that work out for you?", quipped the Voice.

     "Not so good.", I sighed.

     "Did you learn anything?"  The Voice has never been known for having any tact.  It let its filters for such niceties fall away many years ago.  It had no choice, I've spent most of my life ignoring it. 

     I sighed again, "Yes."

     "And what might that be?", the Voice asked while it continued to study the upside down map.

     "That I can't fix everything I think needs fixing.  I should just mind my own business and keep to myself." 

     Suddenly a different voice, as rich and smooth as dark melted chocolate, spoke from the back seat.  The Voice and I nearly jumped out of the car windows.  This man is intensely spiritual and as he spoke, his words fell like velvet on our ears. "You must realize, it is important to help other people.  It is good to see and search for the good in others because they all have the goodness or Godness within them.  But you must do so with a pure heart.  You cannot go into a situation wanting a final outcome for yourself.  It doesn't work that way.  If your intentions carry the smallest element of self gratification, they will most likely fail."

     The Voice pulled its sunglasses down on its nose, gave me a look that said "I couldn't have said it better myself", closed the map and turned to gaze at the passing scenery.

     They were both right and I drove on with a much clearer insight of myself.  

     By the time I got back home I was too tired to tackle anything else on the list, but did scratch a nice black line through 'road trip'. Did I get everything on the list done?  No, not yet, but I will continue to add to it, prioritize it and tackle it.  

     Tomorrow morning the list will have an item scratched off worthy of celebration.  'Deliver papers.....for the last time'.