F.E.A.R.

     I walked in on her unexpectedly and found her crying.

     "What's wrong?"

     She jumped, tried to compose herself and answered, "Nothing."

     I've known this person for as long as I can remember.  We have a lot in common and probably know things about each other that no one else does.  "Why are you crying?" I asked.

     She wiped her eyes and grabbed a tissue.  "I can't talk about it, or I will cry.", she said between sobs.

     I gave her my famous dead pan, mouth pulled in at the corners look and said, "You're already crying."  

     Through swollen eyelids, she returned the look and then the flood gates opened again.  I sat quietly, waiting for her to finish. Sometimes tears can be the greatest cleanser for the soul or troubled heart, so I just listened to her sobs and tried hard to hold back my own tears.  We know each other so well that sometimes we have a deeper, almost psychic connection.

     She finally spent all the tears she could muster, blew her nose loudly and looked up at me.  She looked exhausted.  "I'm waiting on some test results.", she said bluntly. 

     Since I knew she wasn't taking any sort of schooling, I figured she meant medical test results.  I said nothing, just raised my eyebrows and waited.

     She went on to explain that she had a biopsy test done and it would be five to six days before she had the results.  Around these parts, everybody assumes the word biopsy and the dreaded "C" word go hand in hand.  I listened as she told me how terribly frightened she was and how she could hardly think of anything else. Then, the more she thought about it, the more she cried and she felt like she had been reduced to a blubbering mess.

     I reminded her that she had this procedure done a couple of years ago and everything turned out fine.  She agreed, but I could still see the fear in her eyes.  I looked at her and said, "Besides, a hundred years from now, no one will care."

     It was her turn to dead pan me, she threw the snot soaked tissue and hit me right between the eyes.  That's all it took to change the mood and we laughed like idiots.  We spent the next hour reminiscing about old times and all the crazy things we had done.

     As I got up to leave, I told her, "Try not to worry about it for now.  Worrying won't change a thing and it doesn't help your frame of mind.  Remember that acronym we learned about fear?" 

     "False Evidence Appearing Real." she answered instantly.

     "Yes, write that down and put it in places where you will see it several times a day and focus on it."  I was almost to the door when I looked back and said, "And call me the minute you know something."

     She laughed and gave me a sly grin and said, "Thanks Dr. Ruth, I'll do just that!"

     Once back in the car, I took a deep breath and let my own tears fall.  I knew how she felt.  It's like having a pink elephant or white rabbit in the room that nobody wants to talk about and it follows where ever you go.  I whispered a silent prayer for my friend and drove off.

     Living in fear is no way to live.  All the way home I repeated, False Evidence Appearing Real.