I started today out by reading someone else's blog. I've never met this person, but we have a connection through my proof reader, so we are "friends" through Facebook.
The blog gave me hope. Hope because when all things looked like they couldn't be any worse, they got better. A lot better.
It made me realize that it really is OK to not be in control of every situation. I'm not really sure we ever are, but for some of us, we feel the need to be. It's just part of who we are, it makes us feel complete, powerful, safe.
The worst part about thinking it necessary to be in control all the time is it takes a lot of mental focus. It's a constant thing. It never sits on the back burner of the mind, it's always on the front, boiling over. It causes stress and anxiety, which of course, leads to other things. Things that are not usually good.
Control freaks are probably the most out of control people around. It's because the need to be, overcomes the actuality of it. Sometimes it makes us not very nice to be around. We don't intend to come off as being a bitch or a dickhead, we just think our way is right. Maybe right isn't the right word. I think it comes from the feeling that if all is under control, all is well.
For a control freak to give up control is like trying to put a cat in a bucket of water. It's nowhere we want to go. We will claw and cling to anything to keep our stance, to stand our ground, to stay in the seat of power. Why? Because to lose control, is to be defeated.
That really isn't true, no, it's not true at all. It's more of a preconceived notion that not being in control is a sign of weakness, of being a failure, of letting people down.
I remember a saying I heard several years ago and it went something like this.....You aren't who you think you are. You aren't who others think you are. You are what you think others think you are. The key to that phrase is "what you think".
People really don't spend that much of their time thinking about someone else. Oh, they may be talking or gossiping, but as far as actually spending the whole day in thought about someone else, it doesn't happen, unless you're 15 years old and madly in love. Most of our time is spent thinking about ourselves.
So I'm working hard at giving up the preconceived notion that I have failed. I'm working hard to realize being in control is not always a necessity. I'm working hard to heed my own advice, that I so freely dish out, that things happen for a reason and there is a higher power at work. I'm stepping back and I'm going to watch it happen.
I've set my need to control and the fear of failure on a platter and placed it outdoors. Hopefully the creatures of the night will find it a tasty treat.
And now I will think good thoughts.
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