If you go to the Amazon web site and type in books on marriage and relationships you'll end up with over 50 thousand books to choose from. That's a lot of reading. I'm not sure how long it would take to read that many books but I bet there are a lot of people who, had they taken the time to read say maybe half of them, they would have saved themselves a bunch of grief. Most of them would still be reading, so there wouldn't have been much time left for a relationship in the first place.
So rather than have to read all those books, I compiled my handy 1 step guide for those contemplating a relationship, those already in a relationship and those who are in the "What the hell was I thinking" stage of a relationship.
Step 1: Guys don't think like girls.
This is of the utmost importance and a universal truth. They never have and they never will. They are like a box of primary colored crayons, actually two crayons would probably sum it up, black and white.
Their thoughts are not cluttered with matching comforters and bed skirts. They do not care what pattern is on the dishes or if their socks match. It is their God given right to sleep with the remote control to the TV gripped in their hand, while the other is tucked in the top of their pants. If you try to change the channel while it is in their grip, they will wake immediately but will still be able to sleep soundly if the smoke alarm goes off.
They have no area in their brain geared for drama but on rare occasion they may show emotion such as when a bird craps on the hood of their freshly waxed chariot. They truly believe the neon bar light that flashes 'cold beer' looks great in the living room. If you don't believe that, I'm willing to bet there is a "man cave" located somewhere in your house. They do not care if the candle smells like apple cinnamon strudel because candles are something to use when the electricity goes out and they will have no idea where the candles are when this happens.
They give one word answers that should be sufficient for conversation. That word is usually "what?" If they ask you "what" and you answer, "nothing", they are fine with that. Please be specific. They also have a completely different concept of the translation of certain words. Dirty clothes hamper and towel bar can be, if it's within a ten foot radius of said object, it's good.
Their bodies are much different than ours. That, of course, seems rather obvious, but it is important to understand guys have "man eyes". Man eyes are eyes that cannot find the shirt you laid out for them on the bed, their razor that is behind the bottle of shampoo or the remote that has fallen into the depths of the recliner. We come in very handy when this affliction raises its ugly head.
They most generally do not like to shop unless you convince them to go to the grocery store with you. When this happens your cart will be filled with chips, nuts, cookies, snack crackers and an assortment of kitchen gadgets they think you will have fun using. This is usually the last time you will ask them to go and it ingrains their lack of shopping enthusiasm.
A good way to avoid arguments is to just let them relish in the fact that their belief of which way the toilet paper hangs off the roll is the right way. If you need to get their attention for a serious matter, either change the roll to the other direction or go squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle.
Understanding these things will help attribute to a good relationship. Remember, if guys thought like girls, there would be nothing but women on the planet and that would be very boring indeed.
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