Happy Holiday Kitchen Madness

 Holidays tend to bring out the long buried chef in people.  It is difficult, in this digital society, to ignore the umpteen million recipes.  Even the best fast forward scrollers can come to a screeching halt, reverse engines and find that particular picture that had only been seen for a fraction of a millisecond.  Usually, it had some form of whipped cream in the picture.

Getting to host the family get together, for the first time in over 4 years, it was time for my infamous breakfast casserole.  As usual, thoughts of easy-peezy drifted in the recessed areas of my brain matter.  Breakfast is always a cinch.

There is no particular rhyme or reason to the casserole recipe, only on deciding how big it needs to be.  We were expecting 10 mouths to feed.  At least doubling it seemed to be an excellent idea.

The idea was excellent.  The baking pan, maybe not.  The broiler pan has never been used for its intended purpose, only as a baking component.  Its length and depth looked to be perfect for the plan. 

The ingredients are as follows:  Please be advised that this is from a deeply inner chef idea of how much food they think 10 people can consume.  1 bag of seasoned tater tots, thawed and smushed. (Substituting seasoned, smushed tater tots for hashbrowns reigns supreme in this household.)  1 stick of butter.  A pound, or so, each of sausage and bacon, cooked, crumbled and drained.  3 dozen eggs.  Shredded cheddar cheese.  Cheese is a gift from God, one can never use too much.  

Set oven to 350 degrees. Put smushed tots in preferred casserole baking dish.  Melt butter in same pan used to cook the meat. Pour butter over smushed tots and mix well.  Flatten tot mix in the bottom of the dish.  Layer sausage and bacon over tots.  Gently scramble eggs in large bowl.  During this step, it helps to gently scramble the eggs as they are added.  Not necessarily one at a time, but putting all 36 eggs in the bowl at once gives several yolks the ability to "ghost" during the scramble process.  This will be evident during the pouring process.  Pour gently scrambled eggs over smushed tots and meat.  If any ninja yolks appear at this time, stab them repeatedly with a knife or fork.  This also helps to relieve any holiday pressure that may have been fermenting in one's soul.  Top with desired amount of cheese.  Bake for 30 minutes, after which time, test doneness with a knife. (Not the one used to slaughter the ninjas.)  Do this every 5 minutes until knife blade comes out clean.  Remove from oven and enjoy. (There are no seasonings added to this as the tots have plenty.  Let guests season their own portion.)

The chosen pan for this delicacy was full, dang near to the top.  It made the journey to the oven without loosing any of its contents.

A little oven history:  Having baked a pizza, in said oven, a few days before, a piece of it had fallen off during baking.  This was discovered, unfortunately, too late.  There was a slight trail of smoke coming from the oven vent.  Upon opening the oven door, it released a billowing cloud of smoke that nearly equaled that of Mt. Saint Helens'.  This set off a chain reaction.  First, Runtly, the ever so entertaining Jack Russell Terrier, went into full blown spastic mode.  This involves jumping straight up and down, while barking the highest octave he can reach.  This activity is also non-stop.  He does this because he is well aware of what is going to happen next.  Just like a well written script, the smoke alarm began blaring.  Runtly was in full "save the freaking family" mode.  By the time all the smoke had cleared, another thought wafted through.  Surely, the pizza piece had been fully carbonized. 

While placing the breakfast casserole in the oven, the above mentioned scenario, replayed, somewhere on the back burner....no pun intended.  With that thought, came another.  The months before purchase of an oven liner.  Why not put that in there too.  Splendid idea.  Knowing where the liner was, after that much time, was certainly a gift of fate saying "All is well."

Did the casserole out grow the pan while it baked? Did the past pizza piece still have fuel to burn?  Was the oven liner sent directly from the depths of Hell?  The answer to these questions shall forever remain a mystery.  What is for certain is what happened next.  Turning around to grab a bowl, something in the outer area of peripheral vision sent a new message to the grey matter.  FIRE!  

There, in the middle of the oven, on the brand new, albeit a few months old, oven liner was a single flame.  Although it did take the thoughts back to a time in the past, of visiting the JFK memorial, there was no time for fond thoughts of yesteryear.  

It had obviously been burning long enough because the burnt pizza piece replay button had just been pushed.  Smoke billowed, dogs barked (Runtly's momma was in the mix as well.) Smoke alarm blared.  House filled with smoke. Everyone is talking.  Really loud. 

Grabbing a pair of long tongs, while shouting to "clear the way!" to the back door, the oven liner was snatched and flung out the door in one fluid motion.

After the haze lifted and the windows were able to be shut, the casserole was a huge success.  The oven liner was last seen, trailing in the wind, from the mouth of a large, black German Shepherd.