The dictionary app gives the definition of 'advise' as counsel. I was told not too long ago that I should be a counselor. Well, I'm not planning on going back to school for a plaque that states I'm a counselor, or have a degree in B.S., so all my counseling is just going to spew from my fingertips.....and besides that, it's free.
I've mulled this topic over all day, even into the wee hours of the night. Should I or should I not? What the heck, I'm going for it. I thought about going into great detail on each topic, but then I remembered the glazed eye look that my kids would get when I impounded them with too much information so I'll be brief and to the point.
I blog a lot about my personal life. I figure that a personal blog is like an online diary. I do not have many skeletons in my closet. The reason for that is twofold. One, I can not give counsel if I have not experienced something someone may be going through. Second, I don't like skeletons, so I rattle the bones around and toss them out.
The double D's stand for death and divorce. If you thought it was something else, sorry 'bout that. Death and divorce are a lot alike. They entail someone leaving, never coming back and someone left behind.
Death in itself is like a wake up call, a slap in the face. We tend to get out the list of things we've always wanted to do and try to check them off as fast as possible. After all, you never know when your number may come up.
Divorce is rarely an amicable process. There is usually a lot of mud slinging before it's a done deal. When there are kids involved, the parents have no idea the upset their children experience.
One thing that would drastically cut the divorce rate by more than half is if the marriage had never happened in the first place. People contemplating marriage should be required to write an essay titled "My Idea of Married Life", then give it to the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. It is probably safe to assume that, after reading each other's essays, there would be much room for serious discussion.
The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, but, sometimes it is. If you are in a marriage/relationship and you are miserable, do something about it. Either try to find and fix the problem and, if it is un-fixable, get out. Don't stick around telling yourself that waiting for the kids to grow up, before you leave, is a good idea. My reasoning for this is because you have shown them that living in a loveless marriage, or a relationship where neither party can say anything nice about, or to, the other, is the norm, or just the way it is. When the rug is yanked out from under them when they are almost adults, it takes a long time for their heads to stop spinning.
My number one golden rule for marriage, when there are children involved, is never put your kids before your spouse. If you are doing that, stop now. Your children, in most cases, are only with you for a short time. When they leave the nest, you may find yourself with a partner you no longer know and one that no longer cares.
My first marriage was a disaster from the beginning. EVERYONE knew it would be and I'm sure that we "knew" it too.
If you find yourself standing at the alter and somewhere in the back of your mind a voice is saying, "Run Forest, run!", by all means, run.....like the wind. Do not worry about all the plans made, money spent and gifts received, they are an easy fix. There are worse things than 'death do us part' and divorce is one of them.
Been there, done that.........shoulda' run.
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