From The Desk of the Dog

This is Runtly, the ever so entertaining Jack Russell Terrier.  Mom and I have been having some serious discussions about my behavior and I thought it best to set the record straight.

Sometimes, Mom forgets that I am a dog.  She says she does not understand how so much stuffing can come out of a small toy.  I assure her, endlessly, that by being a dog, I have the innate ability to take just a small amount of anything and shred it into a zillion pieces.  Therefore, it is easy to spread those pieces all over the front room floor.  Sometimes though, when I find a plastic bag or a paper towel, I just go to Mom and Dad's room and shred it under their bed, so Mom can't see it.

I call it their bed, but really it is our bed.  I like it so very much.  Mom and Dad are so funny, they sleep on each side and let me have the whole middle!  I sure appreciate that.  I think they are afraid I might fall out, if I don't sleep in the middle.  

I have a wonderful basket full of toys and I diligently empty it at least twice a week.  I am very careful to make sure that all the toys are distributed evenly through all the rooms.  That way I always have something to play with regardless of where I am.  Mom gets aggravated because I do not pick them up.  See, this is where Mom gets confused, dogs don't do pick up.......at least not this dog.

Mom says I must be part cat, how rude, because I sleep a lot.  She is right, not about the cat part, but the sleep part.  I do sleep a whole bunch.  The reason for this is quite simple.  I do not know how to read.  I do not know how to do Sudoku.  I do not know how to cook or run the vacuum.  I cannot make the bed or do laundry or go grocery shopping.  Mom will not let me help her while she is working, even though I'm pretty sure I would be of enormous help.  So, since I cannot do all these things that I see Mom do, I do the thing I know how to do best, I sleep.  And when I sleep, I dream and when I dream, I can do all those things and then some.

I heard Mom say that a certain book says that dogs are just flesh and bones, nothing more.  I think she knows that really isn't true, because when I get into her lap and peer into her eyes, she knows I'm trying to tell her something.......that I need to go poo!!

I have one more thing to tell too.  Mom, you know that little dead snake in the road?  I rolled on it when you weren't looking!!!!!
Well, time for a nap.