Snapped!

     Today's blog is about some diabolical biological madness.  

     The Buffalo Gnat.

     If you are unfamiliar with this winged menace, let me explain.
They are a small winged insect that looks much like a common house fly, only much smaller.  They are unlike other gnats, that we see flying in small ever changing shapes of clouds over an open field because, generally, those gnats don't bother us.

     The Buffalo Gnat serves absolutely no purpose, other than to drive the human species stark raving mad.  They emerge, in this area, in the spring and stay active for several weeks.  According to some research, I found out they came here from the west, possibly Oklahoma.  Their larvae can winter up to 8 months with no ill effect to their health.  Our hopes of this past winter putting an end to their presence here have been dashed upon the rocks.

     There are many theories as to when they leave, or die, or whatever it is they do, but in actuality, I don't think anyone knows for sure.  Some say when the water temperature is 70 degrees, they will be gone.  I beg to differ.  They are still here and that temperature was achieved quite some time ago.

     Going outside is a nightmare.  A Buffalo Gnat's only goal is to see if they can get in your hair, eyes, ears and nose simultaneously. They are experts at synchronized dive bombing.   While they are in above stated orifices, they bite.  Any kind of styling product used for your hair is an open invitation to see how many of them can hunker down in your do.  When that happens, they ride, as in a Trojan Horse, into your home, make you feel like Medusa  and continue their assault. 

     The only thing they don't like is the scent of vanilla or a product called Buggins.  This product boasts of a vanilla rose mint scent and is said to be made of natural ingredients.  I don't care, bug spray is bug spray and there is nothing worse than being all cleaned up, ready to go somewhere, and having to douse yourself in bug spray just to get to your car unscathed.  Unfortunately, if you do not do this, your freshly coiffed do will look like you've just stepped out of the wind tunnel at the GM proving grounds because you've beaten yourself silly.  I've witnessed people jogging who forgot to apply some form of repellent because they look like they're trying to fly, or have something seriously wrong with them.

     There is no need to wear any perfume during the siege of the gnats because everyone in a 60 mile radius smells the same.

     If you do not have these straight from the gates of Hell winged demons, stop whatever it is your doing, right now.  And give a word of thanks to whoever you think is in charge of the universe because you never ever want them.  NEVER EVER!

     It hasn't been too many years ago that there was no such creature amongst us and it would be nice to go back to those good ole days.  For now though, we must fight the good fight.  The only good Buffalo Gnat is a dead one.   Gnat Warrior On!